Why You Should Shoplift

We've all been there. You see that nifty little doodad, so small, so easily pocketed, and the inevitable morality crisis begins. "I couldn't do that" you think "It would be wrong of me to just slip it into my coat and walk out."

But then again... maybe it wouldn't. These big faceless corporations (no, I am not talking about the independant little mom & pop stores) actually account for shoplifting, labeled under the interesting euphemism of "shrinkage".

Every time you legitimately buy something, anywhere between 3-10% of the price you pay is simply to cover shoplifting (yes I did pull those numbers out of my ass, shut up, I'm making a point). So in a way, if you've already shopped there a few times, well, hell, in a way, you've already paid for it.

Just keep in mind, while this may be a way to justify it for yourself, it's highly doubtful that the store dick, the manager, the cops and the courts will see it this way. But hey, fuck them.

*Disclaimer - Don't do this. If you actually follow this advice and get nicked, I will be the first person to laugh at your stupid ass.